“Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.”

        — Josh Billings

“If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn’t be human. You’d be a game-show host.”

        — Heathers

“As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.”

        — Joan Gussow

“As long as a word remains unspoken, you are its master once you utter it, you are its slave.”

        — Solomon Ibn Gabirol

“Labour disgraces no man; unfortunately, you occasionally find men who disgrace labour.”

        — Ulysses S. Grant

“A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead.”

        — Leo Rosten

“I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.”

        — Mark Twain