“People can be taught to hate. And people can be taught to spell. But apparently, it’s one or the other.”

        — Caprice Crane

“A man who marries his mistress leaves a vacancy in that position.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“I saw `cout’ being shifted “Hello world” times to the left and stopped right there.”

        — Steve Gonedes

“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”

        — Socrates

“The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.”

        — Lewis Thomas

“It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”

        — Mark Twain

“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”

        — Joan Rivers