“No matter what it is I’m doing, there’s always about an 85% chance I’m supposed to be doing something else.”

        — Caprice Crane (@CapricecCrane)

“Being a creator of software systems is like being a god. Only without the omnipotence, omnipresence or omniscience.”

        — Brent Snook (@brentsnook)

“Money may talk, but chocolate sings.”

        — Unknown

“A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.”

“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.”

        — David Letterman

“Every day one should at least listen to a little song, read a good poem, look at a fine painting, and, if possible, say a few reasonable words.”

        — Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way,” has a zero percent success rate.

        — Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan)

“A great man is he who has not lost the heart of a child.”

        — Mencius

“Institutions will try to preserve the problem to which they are the solution.”

        — Clay Shirky, South by Southwest 2010

“There are too many people, and too few human beings.”

        — Robert Zend

“Losers quit when they’re tired. Winners quit when they’ve won.”

        — Unknown

“My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.”

        — Ashleigh Brilliant

“I see dance being used as communication between body and soul, to express what is too deep to find for words.”

        — Ruth St. Denis

“I follow a healthy lifestyle, but I rarely catch up with it.”

        — Thin Lines by Randy Glasbergen

“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

        — Hanlon’s Razor

“Sometimes when you trade tradition for progress you wind up with neither. This isn’t one of those occasions but still, it’s a catchy saying.”

        — In Plain Sight

“They say if you play that Microsoft CD backward you hear satanic messages. But that’s nothing, if you play it forward it installs Windows.”

“Even he, to whom most things that most people would think were pretty smart were pretty dumb, thought it was pretty smart.”

        — Douglas Adams

“You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.”

        — Unknown

“Always hold your head up, but be careful to keep your nose at a friendly level.”

        — Max L. Forman

“The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose.”

        — William E. Simon

“Perhaps no place in any community is so totally democratic as the town library. The only entrance requirement is interest.”

        — Lady Bird Johnson

“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”

        — Ellen Parr

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

        — Frederick Douglass

“I guess cows aren’t into the four food groups, especially when they are two of them.”

        — Anthony Clark

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”

        — Jim Rohn

“I haven’t broken it, I just increased it’s need for maintenance.”

        — James Hoffmann

“Writing code a computer can understand is science. Writing code other programmers can understand is an art.”

        — Jason Gorman (@jasongorman)

“No matter what amazing things you accomplish or how fantastic you are, a cat will always think it is better than you.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.”

        — Unknown

“Failing organisations are usually over-managed and under-led.”

        — Warren G. Bennis

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

        — Sir Winston Churchill

Debt, n.

An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave driver.

        — Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

“Libraries: The medicine chest of the soul.”

        — Library at Thebes, inscription over the door

“Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life.”

        — Sophia Loren

“It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren’t so handy in the refrigerator.”

        — Hugh Allen

“We have two lives, and the second one begins when we realise we only have one.”

        — Confucius

“The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?”

        — Pablo Casals

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

        — Sam Keen

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”

        — Samuel Beckett

“I am having an out of money experience.”

        — Unknown

“The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.”

        — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Some poor, phoneless fool is probably sitting next to a waterfall somewhere totally unaware of how angry and scared he’s supposed to be.”

        — Duncan Trussell

“The liberation of humanity is all or nothing.”

        — May 1968 Graffiti #

“If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”

        — George S. Patton

“I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.”

        — Charles M. Schulz

“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”

        — Franklin P. Jones

“Well done is better than well said.”

        — Benjamin Franklin

“No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut.”

        — Sam Rayburn

“Words without actions are the assassins of idealism.”

        — Herbert Hoover

“Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

        — Dr. Seuss A.K.A. Theodore Giesel

“I was married by a judge – I should have asked for a jury.”

        — Groucho Marx

“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

        — Erica Jong

“Don’t be sad because its over. Smile because it happened.”

        — Dr. Seuss A.K.A. Theodore Giesel

“A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.”

        — Edgar A. Shoaff

“There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

        — Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

“A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.”

        — The Knights of Pythagoras

“I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.”

        — Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.”

        — Lynda Barry

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving words in evidence of the fact.”

        — George Elliot

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you’re still a rat.”

        — Lilly Tomlin

“It is expecting too much for a politician to be sincerely interested in the free flow of information.”

        — Graham Perkins

“Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all the dogs that were excited for the car ride until we realized where we’re going.”

        — Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie)

Whenever my friends suggest going to a vegan restaurant, my first thought is, “what will I eat afterwards?”

        — David Siegel (@dvdsgl)