“No man drowns if he perseveres in praying to God, and can swim.”

        — Russian Proverb

No matter what your Chinese symbol tattoo says, I’m going to assume the translation is: “Please think I’m cool.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“Being a creator of software systems is like being a god. Only without the omnipotence, omnipresence or omniscience.”

        — Brent Snook (@brentsnook)

“Weeks of programming can save you hours of planning.”

        — Unknown

“He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away.”

        — Raymond Hull

“It would be far easier to lose weight permanently if replacement parts weren’t so handy in the refrigerator.”

        — Hugh Allen

“Music is an outburst of the soul.”

        — Frederick Delius

“It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little.”

        — Sydney Smith

“Start every day with a smile and get it over with.”

        — W. C. Fields

“The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath.”

        — Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart

“You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.”

        — Naguib Mahfouz

“It wasn’t until late in life that I discovered how easy it is to say ‘I don’t know’.”

        — W. Somerset Maugham

“God is good, but never dance in a small boat.”

        — Irish Saying

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

        — Hilary Cooper

“I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.”

        — Jane Wagner

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”

        — Tom Clancy

“Your religion is what you do when the sermon is over.”

        — H. Jackson Brown Jr.

“No individual raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood.”

        — Unknown

“The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it.”

        — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity”

        — George Bernard Shaw

“The best rose-bush, after all, is not that which has the fewest thorns, but that which bears the finest roses.”

        — Henry Van Dyke

Whenever my friends suggest going to a vegan restaurant, my first thought is, “what will I eat afterwards?”

        — David Siegel (@dvdsgl)

Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

        — Michael Leunig

“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”

        — George Best

It raises unwelcome questions when a restaurant puts unnecessary quote marks around a menu item, like “hamburger.”

        — Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport)

“When you judge someone it doesn’t define who they are, it defines who you are”

        — Unknown

“Theory helps us bear our ignorance of facts.”

        — George Santayana

“A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone.”

        — Jo Godwin

“A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.”

        — Barnett Cocks

“Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving words in evidence of the fact.”

        — George Elliot

“If it ain’t broke, it’s probably a banker.”

        — Dolly (@TheDollSays)

“Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere.”

        — Gilbert K. Chesterton

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.”

        — Unknown

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

        — Aesop

“An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.”

        — Dwight Eisenhower

“Coding isn’t the poor handmaiden of design or analysis. Coding is where your fuzzy ideas awaken in the harsh dawn of reality.”

        — Kent Beck (@kentbeck)

“A fine quotation is a diamond on the finger of a witty person, but a pebble in the hands of a fool.”

        — Unknown

“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.”

        — Unknown

“Show me a person who doesn’t like to laugh and I’ll show you a person with a toe tag.”

        — Julia Roberts

“Laughter is a part of the human survival kit.”

        — David Nathan

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”

        — Paul Boese

“Don’t be sad because its over. Smile because it happened.”

        — Dr. Seuss A.K.A. Theodore Giesel

“The illiterate of the 21st Century won’t be those can’t read and write, but those who can’t learn, unlearn and re-learn.”

        — Alvin Tofler

“Not ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance, is the death of knowledge.”

        — Alfred North Whitehead

“What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“Being a good writer is 3% talent, 97% not being distracted by the internet.”

        — Unknown

“Ours is the age which is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to.”

        — Howard Mumford Jones

“I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.”

        — John Cage

“Accountability is something that is left when responsibility has been subtracted.”

        — Pasi Sahlberg #

My personal pet peeve is how many people think the hard part is in the “big and hard problems” or in some fluffy but important-sounding thing like “innovation”. In fact, all the real work is in getting the details right. It’s that “1% inspiration, 99% perspiration” thing. People seem to think that inspiration is the much bigger and important part of the two, but I’ve come to believe that while it’s important to have inspiration, where people actually stumble is when they can’t execute on that inspiration. Inspiration isn’t that rare in the end, but people who have it and then actually follow through… that’s rare.

        — Linus Torvalds

“Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.”

        — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You always pass failure on your way to success.”

        — Mickey Rooney

“Twitter spoils us. If only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.”

        — Paul Ehrlich

Saying, “We need to talk,” is the most efficient way to freak someone out.

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“Television has changed a child from an irresistible force to an immovable object.”

        — Laurence J. Peter

“The word ‘politics’ is derived from the word ‘poly’, meaning ‘many’, and the word ‘ticks’, meaning ‘blood sucking parasites’.”

        — Larry Hardiman

“Abnormal: doing something more often than a psychologist would.”

        — Tony Atwood, MSc PhD AFBPsS MAPS MCCP

“I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when looked at in the right way, did not become more complicated.”

        — Poul Anderson

“A fool flatters himself, a wise man flatters the fool”

        — Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

“Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.”

        — John Quinton

“We’ve gotten to the point where everybody’s got a right and nobody’s got a responsibility”

        — Newton Minow

“I guess cows aren’t into the four food groups, especially when they are two of them.”

        — Anthony Clark

“Love doesn’t just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.”

        — Ursula K. Le Guin

“Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.”

        — Unknown

“A Platypus is a duck designed by a committee.”

        — Unknown

“Bread for myself is a material question. Bread for my neighbour is a spiritual one.”

        — Nikolai Bardlyaev

“I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday.”

        — Unknown

“The best way to sound like you know what you’re talking about is to know what you’re talking about.”

        — Unknown

“The nation should have a tax system that looks like someone designed it on purpose.”

        — William E. Simon

“Any sufficiently advanced information is indistinguishable from noise.”

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”

        — Josh Billings

“Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination.”

        — John Dewey

“The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”

        — Flannery O’Connor

“Everyone is famous for 15 Gigabytes.”

        — Cory Doctorow

“The man who never reads lives only once.”

        — George R. R. Martin

“No matter how hard you push and no matter what the priority, you can’t increase the speed of light.”

        — R. Callon, RFC1925: The Twelve Networking Truths

“Women were meant to be loved, not to be understood.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“It’s easy to make someone’s day just by being uncommonly pleasant to them.”

        — David Cain

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week”

        — Spanish Proverb

“Dance like no one is watching; email like it may one day be read aloud in a deposition.”

        — Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi)

“I’m a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.”

        — Thomas Jefferson

“I think it’s adorable when people assume I’m interested in anything they have to say before I’ve had my coffee.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”

        — Henry Van Dyke

“To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice.”

        — Confucius

“We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.”

        — Fulton Oursler

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

        — Aristotle

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”

        — William Safire

“Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else’s.”

        — Billy Wilder

“It’s not your blue blood, your pedigree or your college degree. It’s what you do with your life that counts.”

        — Millard Fuller

“No person can be a great leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those under him.”

        — W. A. Nance

“The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least hissing.”

        — Jean Baptiste Colbert

“The liberation of humanity is all or nothing.”

        — May 1968 Graffiti #

“The highest reward for a man’s toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it.”

        — John Ruskin

“Cleaning code does NOT take time. NOT cleaning code does take time.”

        — Uncle Bob Martin (@unclebobmartin)

“Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.”

        — Josh Billings

“Computers are like air conditioners: they stop working as soon as you open Windows”

        — Unknown

“Don’t judge those who try and fail, judge those who fail to try.”

        — Unknown

“Decorate yourself from the inside out.”

        — Terri Guillemets

“Too much software productivity is measured by how far the bullet is from the gun, rather than how close it is to the target.”

        — Richard Dalton (@richardadalton)

“You are entitled to your own opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.”

        — Daniel Patrick Moynihan

“I’ve been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.”

        — Lee Grant

“We believe at once in evil, we only believe in good upon reflection. Is this not sad?”

        — Dorothe Deluzy

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”

        — C. S. Lewis

“Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny.”

        — Kathryn Carpenter

“Treat others as ends, never as means.”

        — Dag Hammerskjold

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

        — Scott Adams

“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.”

        — Garrison Keillor

“Words without actions are the assassins of idealism.”

        — Herbert Hoover

“Work like you owe money to a Russian, love like you’ve never looked in the mirror, dance like a drunk badger attacking a hedge.”

        — Dolly (@TheDollSays)

“Faith moves mountains, but only knowledge moves them to the right place.”

        — Joseph Goebbels

“Inspiration exists but it has to find you working.”

        — Pablo Picasso

“There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.”

        — Alfred Korzybski

“When there was only one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I bailed because you wouldn’t stop talking about your gluten allergy.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“If you think hiring a professional is expensive, wait till you hire an amateur.”

        — Red Adair

“Labels are for cans, not for people.”

        — Andy Warhol

“People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.”

        — Unknown

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves.”

        — William Shakespeare

“When a diplomat says yes he means perhaps; when he says perhaps he means no; when he says no he is no diplomat.”

        — Otto von Bismarck

“Interpretive dance, when it succeeds, is still a failure.”

        — Toby Hede, “Things I have learned from a lifetime of failure” Ignite Melbourne 2010

If you ever code something that “feels like a hack but it works,” just remember that a CPU is literally a rock that we tricked into thinking.

        — Ben Driscoll (@daisyowl)

“You just have to make the transition from weird to eccentric and then you’re okay.”

        — John Elder Robinson

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”

        — John F. Kennedy, 1962

“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.”

        — Abraham Lincoln

“I follow a healthy lifestyle, but I rarely catch up with it.”

        — Thin Lines by Randy Glasbergen

“All the coffee in Columbia won’t make me a morning person.”

        — Unknown

“Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.”

        — John Shirley

“It is good for us to keep some account of our prayers, that we may not unsay them in our practice.”

        — Matthew Henry

“If you lend someone twenty dollars, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.”

        — Unknown

“Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”

        — Theodore Roosevelt

“God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.”

        — Unknown

“Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.”

        — Ann Landers

It amazes me that the same people that consider “developers” fungible are upset when the resources consider them equally exchangeable.

        — Torbjörn Gyllebring (@drunkcod)

“Ordinary people need to lead and not sit there and think that governments are going to spoon feed them.”

        — Ian Kiernan

“The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him.”

        — Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

“But considering that the ancient Greeks created democracy and civilisation, you would think they would have created copyright law if they had wanted to.”

        — Lloyd Kaufman #

“People who don’t take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.”

        — Peter Drucker

“Google can bring you back 100,000 answers, a librarian can bring you back the right one.”

        — Neil Gaiman

“I don’t mind suffering is silence, as long as everyone knows I’m suffering in silence."

        — Boho the hippopotamus, from the Jungle Doctor story, “Sweet and Sour Hippo”

“Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.”

        — Unknown

“The latest new features in C++ are designed to fix the previously new features in C++”

        — David Jameson

“As user friendly as a cornered rat.”

        — Seen in a software review

“I have often lamented that we cannot close our ears with as much ease as we can our eyes.”

        — Richard Steele

“All speech is vain and empty unless it be accompanied by action.”

        — Demosthenes

“Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.”

        — George Bernard Shaw

“The love of one’s country is a splendid thing. But why should love stop at the border?”

        — Pablo Casals

“Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?”

        — Cinderella by Oscar Hammerstein II

“Could you make it less literal and more obvious?”

        — Unknown, from Clients From Hell

“Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.”

        — Unknown

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

        — P. J. O’Rourke

“Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.”

        — Unknown

“This is everything we asked for but not what we wanted.”

        — Unknown, from Clients From Hell

“Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.”

        — Alfred E. Neuman

“Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.”

        — Turkish Proverb

“They gave each other a smile with a future in it.”

        — Ring Lardner

“Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward. They may be beaten, but they may start a winning game.”

        — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.”

        — Marcus Tullius Cicero (106BC-43BC)

“A conservative is one who admires radicals centuries after they’re dead.”

        — Leo Rosten

“I can think of no more stirring symbol of man’s humanity to man than a fire engine.”

        — Kurt Vonnegut

Sometimes seventeen
syllables ain’t enough to
express a complete…

The Programmers’ Credo: we do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they were going to be easy.

        — Maciej Cegłowski @pinboard

“Women and cats will do as they please. Men and dogs should get used to it.”

        — Robert Heinlein

“Education - The ability to quote Shakespeare without crediting it to the Bible.”

        — Evan Edgar

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

        — Sam Keen

“Nothing destroys a good idea faster than a mandatory consensus.”

        — Jessica Hagy #

“I am having an out of money experience.”

        — Unknown

“You only have to succeed the last time.”

        — Brian Tracy

“Go the extra mile. It’s never crowded.”

        — Unknown

“Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.”

        — Gilbert Keith Chesterton

“Don’t anthropomorphise computers. They hate it.”

        — Unknown

“If it’s a new problem, perhaps it demands a new approach. If it’s an old problem, it certainly does.”

        — Seth Godin

“There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.”

        — Josh Billings

“Hatred is one long wait.”

        — René Maran

“My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.”

        — Errol Flynn

“Twitter: It’s like release early, release often for thinking.”

        — Glyn Moody (Linux.conf.au 2010 keynote)

“Never let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you’ll become.”

        — Nick Portokalos

“The aim of psychoanalysis is to relieve people of their neurotic unhappiness so that they can be normally unhappy.”

        — Sigmund Freud

“People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future.”

        — Anonymous

“The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilisation.”

        — Sigmund Freud

“If we desire respect for the law, we must first make the law respectable.”

        — Louis D. Brandeis

“It always seems impossible until it is done.”

        — Nelson Mandela

“‘Need’ is irrelevant here. People do not need phones. They need food, shelter, and running faster than lions.”

        — Thomas Pornin in The DMZ

“On the Internet, nobody can hear you being subtle.”

        — Linus Torvalds

“Ironically, making a statement with words is the least effective method.”

        — Grey Livingston

“Courage is tiny pieces of fear all glued together.”

        — Irisa Hail

“It’s so useless but it’s awesome!”

        — Benjamin Humphrey (@humphreybc), Linux.conf.au 2012

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”

        — Kimberly Johnson

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.”

        — George Bernard Shaw

“In Seattle you haven’t had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it’s running.”

        — Jeff Bezos

“God has given you one face, and you make yourselves another”

        — William Shakespeare, Hamlet Act III Scene I

“Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.”

        — John LeCarre

“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.”

        — Helen Hays

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

        — John Wooden

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

        — Mark Twain

“Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace”

        — Robert J. Sawyer

“The Internet is a marvellous tool for finding solutions to problems I never had prior to the Internet.”

        — Unknown

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you.”

        — Robert Fulghum

“Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.”

        — Unknown

“I have 1,500 Facebook friends, and I don’t know who any of them are.”

        — Unknown #

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

        — Albert Einstein

“To listen to some devout people, one would imagine that God never laughs.”

        — Ghose Aurobindo

“There are people in the world so hungry that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.”

        — Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

“Forever is composed of nows.”

        — Emily Dickinson

“Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.”

        — Howard Aiken

“The trouble with programmers is that you can never tell what a programmer is doing until it’s too late”

        — Seymour Cray

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”

        — Jean-Jacques Rousseau

“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

        — Dale Carnegie

“I must do something” always solves more problems than “Something must be done.”

        — Unknown

“We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don’t know.”

        — W. H. Auden

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.”

        — Benny Hill

“I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.”

        — Charles M. Schulz

“In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.”

        — John Churton Collins

“Nobody realises that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”

        — Albert Camus

Acceptance is such an important commodity, some have called it “the first law of personal growth.”

        — Peter McWilliams

“My writing process: 50 percent pacing, 20 percent snacks, 18 percent furious weeping, 12 percent actual writing.”

        — Brendan I. Koerner (@brendankoerner)

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”

        — Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., Speech in Detroit, 7 Oct 1952

“God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages”

        — Jacques Deval

“I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.”

        — Woodrow Wilson

“He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death”

        — H. H. Munro

“When it comes to making a big change in your life, you have to want it more than you fear it.”

        — Unknown

“I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.”

        — Mark Twain

“You can’t build a reputation on what you intend to do.”

        — Liz Smith

“We’re not just just humans anymore. We’re not multiple personalities, we’re many personalities… uh, one of my personalities happens to be a multiple personality but that doesn’t make me a multiple personality. I’m looking for a little nuance here.”

        — Alpha, Dollhouse

“Middle names exist so kids have a clear indication when they are in big trouble.”

        — Michael Lopp (@rands)

“There’s nothing more noble than a good try.”

        — Gordon Parks

“The bigger the hat, the smaller the property.”

        — Australian Proverb

“We’ve spent more money bailing out the banks, in one year, than we’ve spent on Science in Britain, since Jesus.”

        — Professor Brian Cox

“In the olden days, if you wanted to watch an American TV show as soon as it came out, you had to get an expensive flight to America every week. But now, thanks to the internet, it’s much easier to find cheaper flights to America.”

        — Tim Berners-Lee

“If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea.”

        — Antoine de Saint Exupéry

“Exercise machines are just torture devices with better marketing campaigns.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.”

        — Mark Twain

“All the world’s a stage! And here I am in the blooper reel!”

        — Ziggy by Tom Wilson

“Don’t look where you fall, but where you slipped.”

        — African Proverb

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

        — Henry Brooks Adams

“Great minds have purposes, little minds have wishes.”

        — Washington Irving

“You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.”

        — Caprice Crane

“The easiest way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.”

        — Unknown

“Reality shows are great because they let you watch dysfunctional people without an annoying mirror.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“UNIX was not designed to stop its users from doing stupid things, as that would also stop them from doing clever things.”

        — Doug Gwyn

“Don’t try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough.”

        — Arthur Freed

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”

        — John Lubbock

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.”

        — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.”

        — Rich Kulawiec

“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them.”

        — Charles de Montesquieu

“I have never listened to anyone who criticised my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room.”

        — Ray Bradbury

“Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. We launch a bird into pigs.”

        — George Bray (@GeorgeBray)

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.”

        — Joseph Conrad

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”

        — Bill Cosby

Hip-hop music that is no longer popular should simply be referred to as “hop.”

        — Fake AP Stylebook (@FakeAPStylebook)

“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”

        — American Proverb

“I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

        — Sir Winston Churchill

“Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought.”

        — Henri Louis Bergson

“Liz is different from all the other girls I’ve known. For one thing, she likes me.”

        — Jon, Garfield

“You know horses are smarter than people. You never heard of a horse going broke betting on people.”

        — Will Rogers

“Why not go out on a limb? Isn’t that where the fruit is?”

        — Frank Scully

“Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter.”

        — Oscar Wilde

“Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don’t think.”

        — Unknown

“Happiness is a direction, not a place.”

        — Sydney J. Harris

“Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve upon the silence?”

        — Shirdi Sai Baba