“Exercise machines are just torture devices with better marketing campaigns.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“Everybody always talks about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it.”

        — Mark Twain

“No one plans to fail. They just go online. Then check their e-mail. Then go to twitter… and it just happens organically.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

        — Lucy Van Pelt (in Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz)

“Dogs with thumbs would make you coffee, cats with thumbs would steal your car.”

        — Richard Stevens (@rstevens)

“And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

        — Erica Jong

“Everybody wants to eat at the government’s table, but nobody wants to do the dishes.”

        — Werner Finck

“The cure for a fallacious argument is a better argument, not the suppression of ideas.”

        — Carl Sagan

“Don’t fall in love, Odie. You already act stupid enough.”

        — Garfield (by Jim Davis)

“In the spider-web of facts, many a truth is strangled.”

        — Paul Eldridge

“Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.”

        — Charles Dickens

“My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular.”

        — Adlai E. Stevenson Jr., Speech in Detroit, 7 Oct 1952

“Lo, I have wrangled with ftp and the command line and I have emerged victorious if slightly queasy.”

        — Sarah Stokely (@stokely)

“Start every day with a smile and get it over with.”

        — W. C. Fields

“It’s better to crash into a nap than to nap into a crash.”

        — Unknown

“Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.”

        — Unknown

“I think of optimism as a brave choice rather than an ignorant position.”

        — Unknown

“War does not determine who is right, only who is left.”

        — Bertrand Russell

“You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.”

        — Unknown

“Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.”

        — John Shirley

“The latest new features in C++ are designed to fix the previously new features in C++”

        — David Jameson

“I named my kitten Rose: fur soft as a petal, claws sharper than thorns.”

        — Astrid Alauda

“An alternative spelling of passive aggressive is ‘mum’.”

        — Miss Cook

“Words without actions are the assassins of idealism.”

        — Herbert Hoover

“Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.”

        — William Safire

“Reality shows are great because they let you watch dysfunctional people without an annoying mirror.”

        — Caprice Crane (@capricecrane)

“I married beneath me - all women do.”

        — Nancy Astor

“Life is far too short not to have a little umbrella in your drink.”

        — Leigh Standley