“You’re making this too complicated when it’s really quite simple. All you have to do is make the software completely configurable so it can do whatever I need it to.”

        — Unknown, from Clients From Hell

“I can’t understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I’m frightened of the old ones.”

        — John Cage

“Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.”

        — Sam Brown

“An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.”

        — Dwight Eisenhower

“In waking a tiger, use a long stick”

        — Mao Tse-Tung

“We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don’t know.”

        — W. H. Auden

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe.”

        — Albert Einstein

“A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.”

        — Dwight Eisenhower

“To the people who’ve got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn’t invent it!”

        — Marcus Brigstocke

“During a campaign the air is full of speeches – and vice versa.”

        — Unknown

Haikus are easy,
but sometimes they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator

“No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.”

        — Dave Barry

“Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

        — Judy Garland

“A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.”

        — Rodney Dangerfield

“He was either going to hit somebody or start a blog. To tell you the truth I’m kinda glad he hit you.”

        — “The Magicians” by Lev Grossman

“What little food grows here is tough and tasteless. The people that grow here, even more so.”

        — Hiccup, How to Train Your Dragon

“I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year’s fashion.”

        — Lillian Hellman

“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”

        — American Proverb

“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”

        — Ellie Wiesel

“Buildings and bridges are made to bend in the wind. To withstand the world, that’s what it takes. All that steel and stone is no match for the air, my friend. What doesn’t bend breaks.”

        — Ani DiFranco

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”

        — Josh Billings

Ode to traffic jams
how I detest this time sink
where are flying cars?

        — Marissa (@dj_marz)

“It’s a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.”

        — Franklin P. Jones

“On the eighth day God created twitter and then all hell broke loose.”

        — Marcus Brown #

“The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to get the most feathers with the least hissing.”

        — Jean Baptiste Colbert

“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you’”

        — Erich Fromm

“The future is already here – it is just unevenly distributed.”

        — William Gibson

“Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

        — Scott Adams

“Friends are God’s apology for family.”

Sometimes seventeen
syllables ain’t enough to
express a complete…